You Broke Me, MAGAts

What is that Stabbing Westward song from a million years ago?

Oh yes.

I cannot save you; I can’t even save myself.

Pretty, pretty, pretty much this, yes, uh huh.

I posted a meme yesterday. Shocking I know. I do this 50 to 100 times a day and have, every day for the last 6 years.

But this one changed who I am as a person and made me lose my own faith in my own humanity, and others.

I don’t quantify myself as a memelord, but, perhaps in certain circles I am.
To me, memelords are they who post the dark humor and the dankness.
The chaotic evil if you will.
Me? I am light and breezy memelord, usually. But not yesterday. Not for a week now, nor since I watched the video of George Floyd dying in the street, or Eric Garner really or any of it.

I can’t breathe.

Out of the X amount of people who voted for Trump, I wonder how many were doing it for party and pocket.

Like I get Republican policies are better for the rich. I know one such man and he voted with his wallet. I do not fundamentally think this makes him a bad person. I do not think he has drank the Kool-aid. He is not a cultist.

He is complicit. And that fucking sucks.

It sucks because, well just look around.

I am the kind of person who needs to understand why about every cot damned thing.

The poor whites actually believe that they are only poor because of minorities.
They have been programmed not to hate the rich, but to hate other poor people.
That is their reality.

This is the awful truth.

His MAGAts believe that a dude who shits on a gold toilet cares about them and their country.
That he is making things better because he hates the same things they do.
That is their reality.

This is the awful truth.

They believe their “patriotism” is something born of love and loyalty to country.
When in fact, it is white nationalism.
That is their reality.

I can actually pinpoint the moment where I started feeling so lost and helpless and angry about it.

One of the debates over 4 years ago now, wherein trump said, “she believes in ripping babies from the womb in the ninth month of pregnancy.”

Sir, what you are describing is the normal process of childbirth or alternately a caesarean birth.

Sir, are you serious, sir…sir. Nope already onto the next slanderous, misguided, inflammatory thing.

Birth. Not murder, the exact opposite, the beginning of actual life.

But his followers, and the bots went on a rampage about how Hillary was a baby killer. And we never recovered.

I could not fathom, for months how they could get things so twisted.

It is because they made a choice to hate.

Same with the tapes from the bus admitting sexual assault, same with his associations with Epstein and the rape charges and mocking the disabled reporter. And and and. There has been so much I have forgotten like 90% of it.

They got together as a unit and decided this was okay.

All of it.

Not just the cultists, but the party and pocket voters too.

And then we had the last 4 years of hatred and word soup and free roaming nazis, hate crimes on the rise, rape on the rise, domestic violence on the rise, racist police brutality on the rise. Polo shirts and tiki torches. Literal lynchings.

Because he said it was okay and so did every person who voted for him.

“Fine people on both sides.”

Turning antifa from Captain America into busloads of boogey men coming to get you in your small town.

And they believe this.

But I never really full gave up, there has got to be a way to reason with these people.

Right?

And then I saw this video of human trash waving a BLUE LIVES MATTER flag while moshing to Killing in the Name Of, by Rage Against the Machine.
(link at the end if you don’t believe me)

Other than Cop Killer, and Fuck the Police arguably the most anti-establishment, anti-cop song there is.

They just do not understand irony, like not at all.

And, as we saw as people dressed in pro nazi paraphernalia storm the Capitol with the intent of disrupting Congress, taking prisoners and ‘hanging Pence’, walk right past several police officers that song stayed as true as the day it was written.

Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.

Well ya.

Obviously.

But seeing that video actually broke my brain.

As did watching the video of Elizabeth from Knoxville Tennessee, clutching AN ONION IN A TOWEL, wiping her eyes with it complaining about being maced because she tried to get into the Capitol building with the sole purpose of ‘starting a revolution’.

It’s broken, my brain, like there is no coming back from this.

Qanon and their pizzagate, 5G, reptile people, voter fraud, flat earth, anti vaxx … yadda yadda oh my god are you fucking serious right now conspiracy theories.

I understand the why. Like the textbook reason, not the human reason, but the chemical and psychological reasoning and precedents.

This I get, to a degree. Apparently believing a conspiracy theory is this twofold serotonin dump where you get to feel ‘superior’ to non-believers and also as part of the ‘cool kids’, plus it manifests as an ‘aha, I got it’ win of sorts. Their brain gets happy believing this shit, like chemical reaction happy. It’s a drug.

Also, our lil monkey brains are wired badly in that when someone tells you that you are wrong about one of these beliefs it triggers a fight or flight response because your ego is trying to protect your identity. Admission of being wrong is a small death to the ego. For some.

Then you add the programming and the lack of real education or independent/critical thinking. The war on science in schools, the war on public education in general. Add the bots and here we are. One the brink of civil war as a pandemic ravages the country.

Then there is the whole issue with the systemic racist society we live in where white is right and untouchable.

A dude got pulled off a plane for participating in the riots on the Capitol and had the actual audacity to say “I’m white, why are you treating me like a black person.”

They truly and completely believed what they were doing was not just okay, but justified.

This comes from decades of any white terrorist being labeled a ‘lone wolf’ or deeply disturbed instead of being called what they actually are, terrorists. Those who use violence and fear to attain their goals.

Just think for a minute what would have happened if a different country did what those people did last Wednesday.

It would be all out war.

There would be no survivors.

I thought we shot active terrorists on sight.

No?

Just brown ones, oh okay.

And Ashli Babbitt.

And here is where I broke as a human and will never be the same again.

They finally did it.

8 years of listening to racists insult and bitch about the Obamas, and 4 years of whatever hellscape this has been.

I don’t care that she died. I am almost glad that she died.

This almost feels like justice, but there is no justice, and this is not who I am.

Correction, it is not who I was, it is who I am now.

I posted this with the caption, “I AM NOT SORRY”

She was not murdered; she was shot while actively committing a crime after being repeatedly warned that there was a gun drawn on the OTHER SIDE OF A LOCKED BARRICADED DOOR INSIDE OF A BUILDING SHE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN with a group of people who were threatening harm to the people who were supposed to be in the building, for doing their job.

You broke me MAGAts.

Congratulations.

This was my final straw.

I experienced a brief and profoundly disturbing, life altering moment of happiness at a fellow human beings death.

I then experienced profound sadness and epic schadenfreude as I learned that politicians who have long been on the choke chain of the NRA were cowering under desks like millions of school children have been forced to do for 20 years while they did NOTHING to stop it.

Who am I?

Literally laughing out loud watching the participants of the insurgence being escorted off planes.
I do highly recommend checking out #noflylist on any social media platform.
This is what passes for joy now.
I experienced a delightful combination of rage fear and glee as I heard about the Parler hack and I half believe it was always a honey pot. If so, kudos and my deepest gratitude.

They aren’t going to get better. They have the rabies, they have gone mad. I truly believe this sickness they have is incurable. There is no profound life event that will change the way they think.

And I also don’t think this is about dems versus republicans anymore and that might be the one beacon of hope and light that comes from this.

MAGAts aren’t republicans anymore. Just like not all republicans are MAGAts.

If he is not impeached I believe his raging, severe narcissism will prompt him to run again in 2024 and this will smash the 2 party system that has been so damaging and divisive for so long.

But can we risk this?

That little bird told us to feel the Bern in 2016, and we should have.

I am sad that it has come to this.

I am sad that I have become this.

I remember very profoundly the scene in Cold Mountain where the home guard shot a farmer and tortured his wife and the 2 main female characters had to clean up the mess.

Ruby Thewes says “This world won’t stand long; God won’t let it.”

There is another line in that same movie when Inman says, “I think God is weary of being called down on both sides of an argument.”

He is, I can feel it.

I can see it with my own eyes. Feel it with my ever hardening heart.

These poor poor people are so duped they throw what little money they have at both trump and mega churches, neither of whom pay taxes and keep their doors shut during natural, national disasters.

But I can’t pity them.

After this is over, I can see 45 opening up his own church, a nice tax haven for himself and a safe space for his rabid followers.

I hope he goes to prison for what he has done, a nice orange jumpsuit for the bad orange man.

But nothing is ever really going to feel like justice or closure.

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