Once upon a time I went to see “Get Out” with a 25 year old Scorpio who did steroids. It was our first date and I truly believed it was going to be our only date. The preview for Beauty and the Beast came on before the movie and he said “we should go see that”. I laughed and said we wouldn’t make it that long, but sure I will agree to the imaginary thing in the future.
He pulled a mind fuck on me and showed up the next day with cheeseburgers and cuddled me on the couch while Panda grilled him to make sure he was worthy.
He just kept showing up. A few months later he surprised me with tickets to Beauty and the Beast.
And it was good, until it wasn’t.
I think that was the last time a man proved me wrong.
Heard this on the radio this morning
The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home
Fun, We are Young.
Kinda sums up my night last night at the bar, surrounded by lovely, sweet, young men. Except I didn’t need carrying and the angels did kinda arrive.
Went out for a cigarette and told one of them my age, he immediately said “oh you’re ___’s girlfriend”. No I am not, I do not belong to anyone.
He said he recognized me and told me a rather creepy story about seeing naked pictures of me sleeping, but I am not ready to deal with that just yet. He is my birthday twin, 23 and put his number in my phone as “future husband”.
This is a tiny fucking island, everyone knows everyone and everything. I spent 3 weeks with the wrong person and it is still haunting me.
I stated very clearly that I only date younger men and we discussed the dangerzone that is those approaching 30. They want to nest and I am not wifey. So of course he immediately proposed.
But this isn’t about him. We have a mutual friend.
At one point in the conversation I found myself thinking “my kingdom for a 21 year old Scorpio on Tren who knows what he wants.”
He had been in a few days ago “I want to tell you a story” he said.
It wasn’t so much of a story as he was looking for a bit of advice and reassurance. I am the Scorpio whisperer and the younglings trust me. This one is 21, a Scorpio and I call him Smiley. He has a very distinct and infectious smile.
He isn’t one of mine per se, but he buys the occasional shot of whiskey for me and we talk about the Matrix and the Mandela Effect. On this weird little island I will take intellectual sanctuary where I can find it. He is a snappy dresser and he makes me smile. So there is that then.
There are others like him. Boys I have no design on at all, but whose company I enjoy. No strings.
But this is the story of a 21 year old who told a really long rambling tale about the older woman he wants and in doing so taught me a valuable lesson.
I saw this video a year ago. And it hit me like truth in my chest. Unlike her I have always known I had to go. That there was more for them than me. That my job was to love them and leave them wild.
“I was 45 and he was 29” she says.
She got 4 good years with him. They forced themselves apart and came back together like a wound that wouldn’t heal. Both trying to concede to other other’s needs, even though that wasn’t their fate.
I know that ending well.
But…
There is always a “but”.
Conversation with Smiley last night. He wants a woman who is 12 years older. He is dead set on having her. In a way I have yet to see in men twice his age. Like, she is his person and he decided and this is just the way things are.
It’s falling apart because she is being stubborn and I kinda wanna smash her over the head with the truth, which is how can you squander this gift from god?
I only ever see things from my side. Like somehow I am the adult and that gives me the right to decide how things are. But I am not the only person in the relationship and I don’t need to be right about everything.
Smiley has more emotional maturity and poise than most, and it is unfair that he is being dismissed over a number.
In spite of everything, I listened to him state in a very logical Scorpio manner all the reasons why she thinks it won’t work and that he understands everything. Then he said “but I am still in love with her.”
It warmed my heart and reminded me of what Our Sara of Lords said once upon a time. “It is not a burden to be loved by you.”
Goes for both of us, we aren’t burdens, we are blessings.
May we both get what we want.
I hope you do get what you want, and I’m pretty sure you will. But, when? There’s the mystery.
{My brat brain wants to quote a Doors song (you can guess which one), but I’m resisting.}
OOPS! A serious error – that was a Stones song.