There has been a lot of talk in my house about the value of the vagina.
Yep. These are the things we talk about.
Culturally we are so far from where we started with the way we view sex. We’ve been handed this broken thing and everyone looks at it and tries to untangle it their own way. Physiologically we are built to fuck. We are one of a handful of species on the planet that derive pleasure from the act and thereby have it recreationally. We are also sentient beings with way too much free time and we have found a way to slather guilt all over something wonderful until it’s unrecognizably soiled.
Exhibit A: Some women/girls feel like they have nothing of value to offer to a man so they start handing over the vagina. I’ve done it. I have also extrapolated that if someone doesn’t want to fuck me, I mean less to them. Pretty twisted. I will not go so far as to say it’s normal, but I know I am not alone.
We are trading sex for the most valuable thing of all, time…and (for me) more sex.
You see, my vagina does have value. To me. I no longer see it as a commodity, just a very amazing part of who I am as a whole which just so happens to be an exceptionally sexual and honest creature.
The downfall of people who do what they want and always say what they mean is they assume everyone else does too. So I keep crashing into these walls, falling down and skinning my knees on the hard reality that that is rare.
So I run crying to those I know speak true, and they give me band-aids and cookies. St. Ant and Tristan console me over this that or the other (mostly just the one thing) and they both said ‘next time, make him wait 90 days, if he really likes you he will wait.’
Tristan loves me, I know this, without doubt and without vagina.
Ant’s horse is the highest of all as he waited for me with the patience of a saint, in all ways and he remains my longest relationship, but also the one with the least amount of sex in it.
Normally I would do some more research, but ain’t nobody got time for that.
I really like sex, like really really. Sooooooo, what if I don’t want to wait? What if that is presenting myself as something I am not. I cannot find the logic here.
I have no patience. I see something I want and I want it. I have something good and I want more. I can’t be the only one.
The actual question I asked of them both is ‘why am I temporary’. Their response, a resounding “because you present yourself this way”.
Hmmph, fuck. I get this, I truly do. It’s a good general rule.
But, there is always a but…If I pull all the veils and see things as they really are, I am temporary because everything is.
So be it.
I will just come forward as myself and be seen, valued and wanted for what I am.
