It will be a month tomorrow since George Floyd died.
White privilege is real, all lives matter was stolen by white people to undermine black lives matter and those hangings were not suicides.
We all caught up now?
Once upon a time I had the luxury of thinking that racism existed behind closed doors with elderly family members sprung from the old folk’s home for Thanksgiving dinner, saying inappropriate shit while the younger generation rolled their eyes. Or in little pockets of humanity buried in the deep south, or northern Georgia where white boys wouldn’t go to That gas station because it was for the others. They used that word that makes my mouth taste like soap liberally, sprinkling it in with fuck, as a curse and a slur.
But that was just Rome, Georgia right? And Alabama. I went to a flea market and it was peppered with wooden signage praising the lord and flags praising confederacy.
I grew up watching Dukes of Hazard every Friday night at 8pm. We sat on the popcorn blanket and watched the General Lee drive recklessly when Daisy Duke was a character on a show, not the shorts she wore.
I was 5. I didn’t know.
I remember wanting a cabbage patch kid doll so badly when I was 8. My mom asked my step grandma to bring us the dolls up from the states because our tiny town couldn’t keep them in stock. I was so excited for them to visit. They came empty handed because the only ones she could find were black. I remember how she spit the word out of her mouth like a curse word, and I remember thinking “but it’s still a baby and I want one.”
I didn’t understand then.
I am 46 now and I know. I also know there is more to learn. And I also know no matter how much I read or watch or listen I will never really know. I had to accept this.
I did the hiring for a strip club for a year. First question every fucking time I brought up a new girl was, “is she black”. What bearing does that have on how beautiful she is, how sexy she is, whether or not she does a good stage show, whether or not she shows up for shifts or how she is with customers? None that I could think of, but I kept my mouth shut and hired her anyways.
I worked at another club where the black girls were limited to 5 a night, so they were there before the club opened to secure a spot, while white girls like me could waltz in 6 hours later and pay the same amount of money while being spared the half a shift of dead time. I quit working there. Not because of that, although in retrospect I wish it was. Too many fights, young blond strippers pulling each other’s extensions out and dudes in affliction shirts smelling like whatever new stink Axe body spray had come up with this month. Spray tanned and greasy looking, all of them.
I have concluded, over the last 3 terms of American presidents, that racism is alive and well.
My white skin gave me the luxury of not noticing. That is white privilege.
You know, language is so important.
Scientists fucked the planet in the 90’s by calling climate change ‘global warming’. Every fucking winter it’s the same thing. Global warming isn’t real, it’s snowing. We are an ignorant and shortsighted species.
Racism has become for me, like the blue car phenomenon. Start noticing blue cars and suddenly they are everywhere.
I joined a few Facebook groups for outing racists with the intent of having them fired for racist behavior. I scroll through my feed now and every 4th post makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t look away. This is real… and honey, you gon lose yo job.
It isn’t just blatant dudes hiding under bedsheets anymore. It’s the ‘colorblind’ folks, the ‘all lives matter’ peeps. Well ya, all lives are supposed to matter, that is the ideal, but we don’t live in the ideal and here is a thousand examples, charts, videos facts and figures as to why we aren’t there yet, so please stop saying it.
The collective hive mind got together and decided it was a form of racism. Catch up buttercup.
There are 2 sides to history right now. We’re in it, and the only way out is through.
Racists have had their day and their way for far to long.
Its rampant, its a disease and its debilitating to all women, minorities, anyone who isn’t a straight white male…and ESPECIALLY to BIPOC.
The police are killing black people for sport.
People are getting lynched
Basic human rights are being denied and violated.
The veil is torn, there is no more hiding from this.
I’m terrified. I’m angry. I’m confronting a lot of unpleasant things about myself and the horrific state of our countries.
But I am glad to be alive now.
I’m fighting for my god children and all the other children who are going to benefit from this chaos now.
Something happened yesterday.
I read something and it took the air out of my lungs from the sheer truth of it.
I posted the most dumbed down version of an explanation for white privilege I could find.
“White privilege doesn’t mean you have an easy life it means it isn’t harder because of your skin color.”
This is as non-debatable to me as 2+2=4
But…
Every time I post about white privilege all the white people start screaming “my life is hard too”.
Ya and?
All I hear is global warming isn’t real because it snowed.
Social scientists should have called it something else.
All comes back to snowflakes though, doesn’t it.
I’m doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out ‘why’ white people are racist.
Came up with a few things.
Sports
Porn
Spices
and this
Jade is my superhero
White people (in general) need someone to oppress so they feel superior. There is no such thing as white culture. We are parasitic. We are Borg. We invade other countries and insist they assimilate to be more like us, but what are we really bringing to the table? Mayonnaise?
But what happens when we are presented with glaring, undeniable proof that we have every advantage…
Well, we have to confront our own shortcomings with the added caveat that we had less hurdles in the first place. The monopoly board was stacked 400 years in our favor. So, if you didn’t accomplish anything not only is that all on you, you started ahead in the race and you still failed.
If your life sucks it’s beyond your fault and if it doesn’t suck, you still aren’t as accomplished as you thought you were there sugar.
Mind boggling isn’t it.
But it’s true.
I have to sit in that reality and deal with my own inadequacies. Been doing a lot of that lately. Reading disturbing history that we were never taught in school. Filtering through and deleting 1000’s of racist comments on my page.
I hear the phrase ‘make racists afraid again’ thrown around often.
I think they are already afraid. Just like incels want to blame women for their own failures and sexual insecurities. Racists are afraid of things they don’t understand, and that they may have to take some responsibilities for their own lives.
Small dick energy either way.
They’re terrified.
Most everything I have posted lately I use a very white tone, speak only to white people. I can only speak from my own experience and to my own people. I don’t get to tell oppressed people how to react to what they have been through, I haven’t been through it. All I can do is reach in and pull as many white people to the right side of the fence as I can and stop giving a public platform to the ones who want to remain on the wrong side of history.
I repeatedly use the phrase ‘do better’.
And that is what it is.
We have to do better.
