The moment you think you are cursed you are.
The secret is all inside your head she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free…
Paul Simon
Twice this calendar year I have had men approach me and say that they are cursed, doing some penance, trapped in their own minds, possessed by demons or something like it.
Comes out sounding like ‘forgive me mama for I have sinned.’
If you need me to exonerate you I will. My telephone to god breaks and is in repair of its own accord but I forgive you.
They think they have to pay for the dark thoughts and less than shiny deeds of their past.
No baby.
First off, the past is done. Can’t be helped, it’s over and only exists in your mind. I know people who live there, and they are the walking dead. Please come back to the here and now.
Secondly.
Universe doesn’t work that way.
The universal collective of energy that a lot of people like to call God is not very godlike.
Omnipotent? Yes.
Unfathomable by our little human brains? Uh huh.
Full of miracles? Damn skippy. (I just watched the sun rise over the ocean)
Judging you on your day to day and the shit you get yourself into? Nah.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Dreaming up punishments for you imagined indiscretions? Fuck no.
Even the act of saying Hail Mary’s only serves as a time out akin to what you would give a toddler.
Sit down and think about what you did.
There was a time when I believed myself to be cursed. A puppet at the mercy of some palsied madman in the sky.
I held my own strings the whole time. They were tangled from being tossed around in situations I should have cut and run from YEARS prior.
That’s when we get stuck, and in effect are cursing ourselves. When every sign and every cell in our bodies screams NO and we stay.
Even then, the lessons learned flailing around in that stagnant muck come in handy from time to time.
That was my crazy underground garage adjacent to rock bottom and three floors down.
I have been awful and dumb and I am sure I will be awful and dumb again in the future, I am human after all, but it’s my business and between me and my god.
That is all.
The universe is composed of energy. It doesn’t differentiate between good and bad. We are conduits, yes, but once it goes through us and back to the ether it’s neutral. We get to decide, both coming and going how to shape it and use it. And more importantly, when to let it go.
We are a creative bunch of meat puppets, bordering on narcissistic when seen en masse. Why is this happening to me? Why me? Oh I did a thing now I must be punished by some puppet master in the sky.
There are no strings, just string theory.
When I say something is between me and my god, I mean it’s between me and me. I punish myself for my misdeeds in more creative ways and for a lot longer than some imaginary white man on a cloud handing out judgement would.
My gut is my guide.
If it feels light, I go that way, if my stomach rolls, well…sometimes I turn heel and go the other way and sometimes I take a deep breath and dive in anyways. It’s human nature, it’s my nature. I accept the consequences. And I know beyond all doubt that everything is as it should be. Because it is.
Stephen Hawking said the universe does not allow perfection. And yet we all strive for it like it a) exists and b) is attainable.
It don’t and it ain’t.
We are fragile, fallible beings on a blue rock hurtling through space.
The prisons we lock ourselves into, the moral codes we look to as law, these curses and blessings bestowed on us by gods and monsters?
We made them up.
We are the gods and monsters. Angels walking, devils too.
I have been all of those things in the space of a day. Depends on who you are asking.
If you ask me I am a humble little meat puppet, fairly self-aware, trying to do my best and love as much as I can, as hard as I can as often as I can. That is its own reward.
Sure, if you fuck up by all means, sit back reflect and learn. Try not to do it again.
But if you do, I will be here to forgive you.
The universe’s timing is perfect, even if it doesn’t suit your ego. (Dean Jackson)
