24 days later and I still haven’t adjusted to not everyone knowing what I am doing at all times.
I miss my Facebook fam. I miss my page and my people.
To be clear, I don’t miss Facebook itself. It is panic city misinformationland over there. Who knew Twitter was the rational older brother of social media…
I talk to a couple people on Instagram, met a few new tribesmen on Twitter. But it isn’t the same.
Funny enough,
my Facebook memories were stocked with good omens and sage advice from past me.
I stayed off social media, mostly, til noon. I had an alarm for that.
I am on day one of self-improvement Sarah instead of just wallowing.
80% achievement unlocked. Not bad for one day.
Got up 90
minutes after my alarm, but 8:45 is better than noon, and I was having a
really good dream.
Took my vitamins. 2L of water ingested so far. Bed made, laundry in the dryer. One
article down and this one in progress. Checked on the Hulk, Halo and Sara. Did storytime
and NSFW emails to Wolf.
I had a mid-day Pornhub hiatus to reward myself. Now I need a shower and to tackle one project. There’s a list.
So, Wolf and my 500+ Twitter followers know I did something really stupid Tuesday.
Back up a sec…I had a dancing contract at a small town strip club for a week, set up months ago. Was kinda dreading it after the last bar I worked at. My dread was unfounded, I kinda loved it. Made more the first night than I did in 3 weeks at the other place I had been forcing myself to go to.
That was Monday night, I almost didn’t go because, well pandemic. And because every fiber of my being is over dancing really. I belong to my Wolf Dom and other people looking at me sexually is abhorrent. But money and surviving are a need. I went.
I didn’t hate it. It was super chill, squeaky clean and easy.
We sat in limbo Monday night waiting for announcements from our provincial government about non-essential service shutdowns. It wasn’t IF the bar was going to close, it was when.
‘When’ happened to be Tuesday morning.
I messaged the girl I was traveling with around 11am, sent her the article I had read. She forwarded it to the boss and the dominos cascaded.
Our ride was 2+ hours away. I did a coffee run, threw on Brooklyn 99 and packed slowly.
Here is the dumb part.
I had barely unpacked. We knew we weren’t staying before we even got there. All my clothes save what I had worn, were in my suitcase. All my make up and toiletries were still in their respective bags.
What I did
do…was put my sex toys in the nightstand drawer. Like a fool.
Am I fucking new?
I KNOW myself, I get distracted too easily when stressed. I always double check.
But this time I didn’t.
I even remember thinking it was a bad idea while I was doing it and I remember
thinking that morning “don’t forget those” but then my phone dinged, and I got
distracted.
Cut to 6 hours later, finally home. Very forlorn, avoiding unpacking like the plague because of the plague, sitting on my unmade bed in my sweaty sweats scrolling through porn gifs on Twitter thinking to myself ‘Self, a serotonin boost would be a really good idea right about now wouldn’t it?’
And then it hit me…
My sex toys were 2.5 hours away in a cathouse, in a locked room above a locked bar.
I’ve never moved so fast in my life. I was downstairs begging for the jeep keys while still on the phone with the sex shop a few blocks away.
I panic bought the whole store.
Mild exaggeration, but I did spend a bit more in under 10 minutes at the Love Shop than I made the night before.
Worth it.
I can give up a lot of things. Masturbating is not one of them.
When I stocked up on vape stuff, I got the lower level of nicotine thinking this would be a good time to quit or at least wean myself off.
I imbibed 2 ounces of meat and 2 ounces of alcohol from November 21st til December 26th 2019.
I’ve been drunk 5 times in 5 months as opposed to 5 times a week.
But this?
No, I cannot, I will not.
The interaction at the store was hilarious. Both of us reassuring the other about washed hands and bleached countertops while keeping physical distance. She said she’d done the same thing a few years back, left her toys behind in a nightstand in a hotel out west. I felt slightly better, and new toys had been on my wish list for a while. I cringed replacing my Tracy’s Dog, but at this point it factors in on the same list as sleep, food, water and shelter.
I got home with my bag of precious and promptly sent Wolf the first remotely happy series of videos since I left for the airport. Showing him all of the treasures I had amassed.
There was a turning point there.
We went back to being our dirty, flirty selves and I didn’t realize how badly I needed our normal and how much I missed my Tango wand.
