The Head and the Heart…Shake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been falsely crying ‘writer’s block’. I don’t have writer’s block.

I have a mental block and it is fucking HUGE.

I want to stop talking/thinking about the Giant and I can’t.

I tried.

I tried to write about other things and it all kept wrapping back around to this.

There is some scientific research that states that sometimes you have to hear a song 10 times before you like it.

Happened to me with the Biebs, “Where are You Now?” mind you we were driving fast in Leah’s car laughing and smiling in the late summer warm.

Sometimes you just know.

I knew.

Also my life is a double entendre so keep that in mind while reading.

I told a lie.

I said “I hesitated to give you these songs because I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to say things with the lyrics, you know having feelings and whatnot.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walking After You was strategically placed and I meant every word. And I hunted down that version of Comfortable by John Mayer because it’s important.

I retracted the lie, but only partway. I have feelings, it is entirely possible I am made of pure feels.

Which is going to make this next part harder to believe. S’okay.

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There is a girl at work, I call her Giggles because, ya, she giggles and it’s the sweetest thing, she is the sweetest thing. Baby strippers can go one of two ways in the first month, crazy or cute. She remains, totally adorable. She makes me think it is possible that serotonin can walk around in human form, just looking at her makes me happy.

One night whilst texting with the Giant, I asked him to come rescue me from work. She knew what was happening and was shaking invisible pompoms hoping he would show. I told her I would walk right out the damn door with him.
I wonder if she thinks my life is some kind of romance novel, I wish I could write her a better ending, but we are still in that conflict/shit is not working out right now, middle portion of the story.

He didn’t, but she watched the door for me and we played a rousing game of ‘that’s not him’.

In fact, all tall people now beg the question, “is that him?” I think she will just know if and when he ever shows up.

I gotta digress a bit.

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I loathe a good portion of the music at work. We call the place “Tommy’s Hungarian Disco.” Lots of dance music, I realize there are different genres and subtle nuances to that shite but it’s lost on me, it all sounds like a headache waiting to happen, or the muzak in one of the seven levels of hell.

When I was on my staying away from anything remotely emotion kick post Giant, I stole some music from Giggles. A rather rapey, grindy tune by SoMo called Ride On.

She dances to a vast array of whatever she fucking feels like.

One song is called Shake, by The Head and the Heart.

I had to ask her 27 times what it was called. It was one of those songs I ‘just knew’ I liked.

I stopped talking to the Giant for 3 weeks, when I messaged him again he said he had burned through one of the cds I made him, played it so much it was starting to skip.

Oh ya I totally did that.

That was the lie. I made him 3 or 4 mixed cds, 19 songs each. Labeled them funny things like I tend to do. Lightning in a Jar was the one he warped, it was all instrumental. Oh the irony isn’t lost.

So, when we decided to meet for coffee of course I made him a new copy, and two new ones.

Upon which just so happened to be Shake. Song 5.

I swear it didn’t know what it said, and everybody knows I drink too much at work to retain lyrics.

But if the perfect song fits…

Well the ink in my pen ran dry long before your smile
And the pages have always been blank like the trees in the wild
But the wind yes the wind keeps pushing you to me
Time being time I know when it’s time to leave

And the memories we’ve made
Will never be lost, no
And the look on your face
We both knew the cost
But the wind yes the wind keeps
Howlin’

I put in the pictures, you put in the time
You put all those memories so deep inside my mind
Now the wind yes the wind keeps pushing you to me
Time being time I know when it’s time to leave

And the memories we’ve made
Will never be lost, no
And the look on your face
We both knew the cost
But the wind yes the wind keeps
Howlin’

Even if it was a mistake, I can’t forget your face
Even if it was just a day, you won’t forget the one
Who’s making you shake

Come around, I lost my way to see
Come around, I lost my way to see
Come around, I lost my way to see
Come around, I lost my way to see

Even if it was a mistake, I can’t forget your face
Even if it was just a day, you won’t forget the man
Who’s making you shake

Who’s making you shake
You shake
I’m making you shake
You shake
I’m making you shake

He’s making me shake.

The last thing he said is that the things we’d done would be hard to forget.

Why would you even try?

I can’t Taylor Swift and “shake, shake shake it off.”

I cannae Florence and her glorious Machine neither “And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off”.

Maybe it isn’t so much of an I can’t, as an I don’t fucking want to.

What if this storm ends and I don’t see you? Snow Patrol, song 7.

I fucking miss you.