Is today the day I am going to write porn?
It’s 8:43am.
Just had a short but intense conversation with Our Sara of Lords. Seraphim humming lullabies and preaching parables to make me feel better.
Had a wonderful dinner last night, with one glitch which I will get to.
I really want to be writing porn. I leave little snippets in his inbox. Lovely jumping off points. Tales and teasers of things to come.
But those are His.
I have been down this road before. Not really, kinda? Sorta? It wasn’t real.
I think I need to write fantasy instead of reality. That is just for us. Sacred.
And honestly? It’s REALLY hard to write about cosmic twin flame sex. It’s all sensations that don’t make sense on this plane, feeling colors and phenomenon, it’s honey flavored scotch that tastes like home warming you from the inside and radiating out. It’s ocean tides and earthquakes. If meeting him was the rumble that occurs from a rocket launch, fucking him is the jet fuel combusting in ecstatic motion.
See?
I can’t do it.
We have been waiting to go to this one particular restaurant with this particular couple.
They seemed nice enough. We had to wait through a Santa Claus parade which blocked all exits off the island. Ended up at a dive bar with a fire pit, a ping pong table and 5, count em FIVE Elvis impersonators with a toy megaphone singing bastardized Christmas carols off key through said megaphone.
Also, oddly and sadly… I had a guy offer to buy me a shot after being an obnoxious ass for 10 minutes interloping on my small group of friends.
I said “sure 40 Creek, neat”.
He comes back with this milky frothy thing and tries to get me to drink it.
Nope nuh uh.
Then tries to mansplain WHISKEY…
TO ME.
“I asked for what I wanted, I am not going to drink your interpretation of what I wanted.”
He then went on to explain that Jameson’s is indeed whiskey.
Very aware. I don’t like it. And I really don’t like you.
Not having it broseph.
Drink your froth and leave me be.
That was the aforementioned glitch.
I swear I died, and I am in hell.
Heaven is in Texas. I must get there.
I explained to the woman half of the couple that I am very introverted and I usually have an extrovert for shielding purposes but I was feeling kinda vulnerable. She grabbed my hand and walked me away from everyone down to the water. “Water always helps” she said. She was right. We smoked in silence while I recharged.
Lovely supper, outside. Great waiter, good food and good company. Lots of, “here try this, it’s delicious.” Blue cheese dressing so good we were scraping the container with cold fries after we were beyond full. Passing the ramekin like the grail.
They were presented to me as anarchist farmers. They did not disappoint. We had a long talk about integrating animals to the farm to cut the workload. “And if they aren’t working out, just eat them.”
My buddy Dave had met them on an ayahuasca retreat in Acapulco years ago. We talked about doing DMT. We both have Matrix tattoos.
The weird part occurred when the dude said, “Ya, I took my kids to meet John McCain when he was running against Obama. We used to go to church religiously and I was a staunch Republican.”
Wait. What?
I was suddenly a delightful combination of very proud and incredibly curious.
Likened him leaving that lifestyle to a chronic alcoholic getting clean.
He agreed.
“What happened? What was your jumping off point?” I asked
He said his daughter contracted Lyme’s disease and he started reading about medical marijuana and suddenly he was at an anarchist’s conference in Mexico doing psychedelics and really mad at God. He then backed up and said it wasn’t that easy. There was a lot of self doubt and isolation. Shunning from family and friends. Depression, loneliness and chaos. But it was worth it he said. He couldn’t go back.
Oh honey, I know.
I was raised in a democratic bubble and it was still constrictive.
Fucking parallels man, they’re everywhere.
He got up and went to smoke.
I asked the woman, so how long have you been together?
24 years.
Wait, what?
“So you went through all of this with him? How?”
Wait, what?
She said “it wasn’t easy. I just did.”
I said I understood. “He’s your person. You evolve with them or you leave.”
“Exactly”, she said, and smiled. “Leaving was never an option. I loved him then and I love him now.”
It was beautiful.
Michael Xavier once wrote about this.
How to stay together no matter what.
Stay together
No matter what.
Didn’t practice what he preached but hey.
Seeing it in real life was a sight to behold. I will carry that with me always.
I read another thing (as I often do) about a man who said his wife had been about 9 different versions of herself in the 70 years they were married. “I just learned how to love all of them.”
There are plentiful droves of humans running around on the planet, content with what they know and what they are and where they are. To the point that they will resist change. I have met them. Not my monkeys, not my circus. Once upon a time I tried to pry them loose. But they don’t want out. They like their reality. Redundancy is security.
To me that is atrophy. I won’t disturb them. But when one of them breaks out of the matrix like this man did and his woman chooses to go with him, no matter what. Oh my god that is beautiful to me.
The meaning of life (to me) is to learn, evolve, experience and grow.
Having someone you love beside you learning and growing too.
I think that is as close as we can get to heaven on earth.
