One Way Trip

Live through this and you won’t look back. The Stars, Your Ex-Lover is Dead

Yesterday was full of small victories and accomplishments. I fell asleep way too early and woke up by 10. Not the best plan but I couldn’t keep my eyes open, then I couldn’t keep them shut. The only thing good about being up this early is…well not a whole lot but, I got to read my horoscope that usually comes yesterday but I was too busy to read.

GEMINI
I bet that a healing influence will arrive from an unexpected direction and begin to work its subtle but intense magic before anyone realizes what’s happening. I predict that the bridge you’re building will lead to a place that’s less flashy but more useful than you imagined. And I’m guessing that although you may initially feel jumbled by unforeseen outcomes, those outcomes will ultimately be redemptive…
*Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing.

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/20180503.html

Redemption sounds absolutely wonderful.

All signs have been pointing to not getting what I want, but finding what I need.

I need more sleep.
Might have to try a Gravol induced nap this afternoon, never done it, don’t know if it will work. Top that off with a 5 hour Energy around 9pm.

Tired of relying chemicals to be honest. I have taken more ibuprophen than any woman should just to keep moving. Been drinking more whiskey than Keith Richards should just to keep going.  Resetting my circadian rhythm has proven vexing and I still need black out curtains. Not more black out drunks. Please no more. I am missing moments, good ones.

I am coping, learning, evolving and sometimes falling on my ass.

This is not what I expected. But it might be what I need.

There have been several doomsday scenario movies wherein some main character ends up on a rock or a space ship in outer space and inevitably says “I think we knew this was a one way trip.” Independence Day and Armageddon come to mind.

I am on a rock in what feels like outer space, an alien planet where I almost speak the language but everything is fucky, and I think I knew this was a one way trip.

I just live here now.

Time has been measured out in bitter chapters since I last saw you. (Cold Mountain)

Less bitter actually. More sweet lately. I know I am Nope’s flavor of the month and that is fine. Shit changes fast around here. Plus if he’s 3 weeks on and one week off, what constitutes a month? I am so bad at math I ain’t even gonna try to figure that out.

Time moves funny in this place. I was on my 7th week for 3, and I have had to dye my hair 3 times. There’s something in the water.

2 weeks ago on my day off the Nope pulled me out of my funk and my room in the cathouse and took me to the ocean at night. A week ago he took the day off to spend with me. It was my turn to make some effort. So I did.

I went to visit Nope on a boat yesterday.

I actually like saying Nope on a boat.

I would rather he wasn’t on the boat however, snuggles are scarce just now. Counting down sleeps. 6 more for the record.

And honestly, today would have been a better day for it, I was up early, well rested and I now know the boat LEAVES at 12:45, so pulling into the parking lot at 12:44 is …nope. Also it’s nice out. Spring has finally sprung in this place and it is lovely.

I was waiting for this.