Good point Greg.
But, but… the younglings need love too.
Stay away from those approaching 30, it is time for them to nest.
Do not get in the way of them wanting names like father and husband.
You have already been mother and wife. You have evolved past this.
Do not build a home here.
Be a gypsy. Pack up and leave when it’s time. Leave the place better than how you found it. Plant things, mend the ground, pick up the trash left before you were ever there.
Choose wisely. They will find you. You will tell them your age and they will light up like supernovas. They were looking for you. Allow yourself to be found. Stay still. They spook easy.
Offer your hand. Open palm upturned. Show them your throat. Acquiesce.
Let them bite and show them where you prefer to be bitten.
Show them your teeth. Smile always.
They will ask what you want. Tell them ‘nothing’. Speak true.
They will tell you what they want. Concede.
Enjoy the negotiation process as much as what comes after.
Passing on what I have learned. Protecting us from fallout that doesn’t have to happen.
I know what is possible.
I know the rules of engagement.
This has been “stolen” from Lessons on Loving a Prophet by Jeanann Verlee
http://thymoss.tumblr.com/post/55176318258/lessons-on-loving-a-prophet-jeanann-verlee
The idea, the cadence…all her. I take no credit.
One day I will write a book about all of this. Everything I have learned. I have sat in nail salons and coffee shops next to women my age, eyes lit up talking about some young one or another. They see what I am, kindred sister, and spill their guts. And I cringe. Oh honey, this is temporary and here you are believing in forever.
I do not envy the fall. I too have fallen.
Happily ever after happens, I have seen it with my own eyes but it’s rare and you are missing the point.
I learned the hard way too I suppose.
I may or may not have been built for this.
But I have been practising.
Back in the day, which was a Sunday in May by the way, I rolled over one morning after an exceptionally long weekend, looked at my phone and what to my wondering eyes should appear?
No, not Santa, it was May I said. And this was infinitely better.
It was Young Un the First.
There have been a few. I don’t know how they find me, or how they know what I am. But they come.
Some were magical, mystics, bestial and lovely and some were regular run of the mill fuckbois.
But even then, there was sweetness to them.
One who still wants to wife me. All still call me when they need me to be validated for something or other. They know I am safe because I am.
They are there when I need them too. I try not to need them.
And contained within all of them. Lessons upon motherfucking lessons.
One must not engage with a fuckboi, for you will teach him your art of war (some meme)
No no. Engage.
Teach them everything.
They sought you out because they want to learn. They will not ask anything you don’t have an answer for. Revisit memories of when you were young and understand them.
Empathize and above all teach.
Learn.
This is not war. Show them peace.
I had a good 100 days with Young Un the First.
Then I got greedy. I wanted more.
THERE IS NO ‘MORE’
Be grateful for what is given. Devour them, take all of it even if you are tired, stay awake. Feast when you can then fast while they are gone, they will be gone. Accept this. This is the only way. Let them go, they need to run and they will love you for letting them.
THERE IS NO MINE
You cannot claim what is not yours to keep. Do not try to keep them. Let them roam and come back to you of their own free will. There is more bliss in this than any label could ever provide.
Do not ask to be called anything beyond your name, so when they call you mine it sounds like the music it is. Only answer yes to pet names, do not call them yours.
Do not call them at all. But when they say your name, answer.
Do not play games.
Be present.
BE BETTER
Do not use your tears as manipulation. Do not use them at all. Cry when you are alone. Let them cry if they need to. Stay soft. Absorb the salt and the sweat.
Do not hide your body, flaunt your scars. Let them flaunt theirs, show them comfort within your skin. They will thank you for it. Enjoy.
Allow yourself to be shown off like a prize. Do not brag about him. Let him decide where you belong and where you do not. Stay in your house. Open the door when he scratches.
LISTEN
Reward him for every truth he tells you, even if it isn’t what you want to hear. You do not get to choose what he does away from you.
They will bring you music, whether on acoustic guitars in the living room or a song turned up on the radio. Listen. Let the song play out and do not speak. Listen to the words and the rhythm, this is part of them, they are showing you. Dance to it and show appreciation for the gifts and the insight. If they pull you close sway and slow dance in the kitchen. Speak with your hips and say thank you.
They will tell you stories of those who came before. About their days and their dreams. Listen and encourage even if you know its folly. You can’t save them. The only reason you know anything is because of what you lived through, the mistakes you made on your own. Let them make mistakes. That is why they came to you in the first place. Somewhere safe to learn. So teach them, gently. Keep everything in the vault. Do not use their words against them. That is what low women do and you are better than that.
THERE IS ONLY THE HIGH ROAD
No matter how young they come to you, some low woman has come before. Inflicting damage.
Rub the knots from their muscles, they are tired and sore from carrying past hurt. Carry it for them. Help them forget. Keep your claws retracted. Kiss them, do not bite. Some other girl sunk her teeth in before you came and left scars. Kiss the scars and promise not to reopen the wounds.
Keep your promise even if it means biting your tongue in two.
Be merciful. Forgive everything.
You can calm yourself, do not ask to be calmed.
Walk the high road always, do not stoop. Sometimes it will be hard to breathe, the air is thin. There is no cover, only a rocky path. Do not let them see your feet bleeding. Just keep walking, smile when they look up.
They will look up, to you, at you, to god to say thank you for your presence. Bask in this, let it keep you warm in the dark and cold.
When they look at you let the sun shine out of your smile at them. Let your face show all the things that can’t be said. Let them bask in this and be warm. The earth is a cold, dark place. Be warm and inviting, be soft and yielding always. Bend till you think you will break then bend some more and break anyways. You know you can put yourself back together anyway you please. Teach them this.
Show them what is possible.
Wise words.