Metamorphisis

On January 8^th 2017 all planets will go direct for a month.

Nice.

On January 18^th I head home and into a new phase of life.

I already knew I was on the cusp of a life change.
I didn’t need a planetary event to tell me.
I felt it in my bones even before I saw the article stating my work is going to close forever sometime in the near future.

My stomach did one quick flip before Panda and I started howling.

We know how to survive on the outside…others, not so much.

Oh honey that shit is not gonna fly elsewhere. Good luck with that.

I think that will be an article unto itself (or three knowing me).

3 days till direct and 10 after that to soak up the sun and metamorphosize.

I had planned on finishing the book while I was here. That may well still happen. It’s not over yet, even though I haven’t opened it since my arrival. Been too busy making new memories to drag the swamps of the past. But it must get done. No better place than here, no better time than now.

I keep losing track of time.

My girl shared a memory from 2014 the other day and I thought the Facebook had made an error, that wasn’t 3 years ago. But it was.

I just realized it’s 2017. I do so love vacation I have no idea what day it is, just know that in 2 days I see Our Sara of Lords in the flesh again.

We’re going to the psychic camp at Cassadega again. Went last year around now too. Something about ley lines and energy feels good being there, but I feel like her and I could camp out at the edge of a volcano and sleep on the rocks and it would be just fine.

The woman I saw there used no tools, no cards, didn’t touch me in any way. She was happy to see me and marked me as kindred, one of her kind. She was fairly astute. Told me the lying liar I was dating wasn’t lying so much as he believed the stories he was telling.

That experience with the fake soldja boy was last year and it truly feels like something that happened to someone else, a movie of the week I watched while nursing a fairly high fever.

Yes, a fever dream wherein my body was attempting to fight off an infection. Just ew.

The rest of what she told me has remained true. I continue to become better, faster and stronger. The moments of discord I feel are when I stagnant. It’s always been this way, now I am just mindful of it.

2 years ago I was hunkered down in the Milton house. I didn’t make it down south that year. We had one unseasonably warm day upon which I had visitors. The Nerdy Stripper was at my house as were the Dead Glamour Girlz, doing a photoshoot.

I didn’t see another soul for about a month. Hadn’t seen one for about a month prior.

The visit, shoot and shenanigans were a ridiculous amount of fun.

But when they left I was tired.

That was the apex of my sequestered hermitage.

I have since left that time and place and that girl I was. I must have been 3 or 4 updated versions of me since then. But I needed my solitude and I am grateful for it.

This planetary event of complete and utter directness has not occurred since early 2011.
Hmmm, I remember where I was. That was the year I left hubby if memory serves, and all of my drawing of strength and resources began then.
The catalyst was Superbowl Sunday, an ex reached out across oceans of time and reminded me that I existed outside of the prison I was in. He was the key and unlocked something inside of me.
And somehow I found the strength to run. Took a while to untangle myself from the strings and nest I was tied up in, but I did it.

As I am writing this I am having a hard time keeping a timeline. Me, the keeper of records and memories, the human archive. What in the actual fuck. Could it be that I don’t need those things anymore?

When I came down here 3 years ago I had the idea for this blog. Took me a year to work up the proverbial balls to hit publish. It’s still not how or where I want it but it exists and that is something magical in itself.

Tomorrow is Epiphany.

The word Epiphany is from  Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, meaning manifestation or appearance. It is derived from a verb meaning “to appear.” In classical Greek it was used of the appearance of dawn, of an enemy in war, but especially of a manifestation of a deity to a worshiper. (Source, Wikipedia)

I suppose tomorrow or the next day I will find out if I am on the right path. All these signs saying ‘eat at joe’s’ make me feel like I already am, gut says so too.

It is a really peaceful feeling, sitting at this table, hurricane shutters open, all I can see is the ocean.

Everything feels light and right.

Every cell in my body is looking forward to the next thing.