There was never any more inception than there is now,
Nor any more youth or age than there is now;
And will never be any more perfection than there is now,
Nor any more heaven or hell than there is now.
Walt Whitman
Today is Leap Day.
I am smiling. Fittingly occurring on my 42nd run around the sun.
I tried to recall what magic and dreams I weaved on the last one.
I’m guessing the answer to be a quiet, mousey “None”.
I think I was still a mess, mired in the land of ‘should’.
Fairly unaware of the universe, it’s energy and my place in it. I knew nothing of entangled particles, star dust, supernovas.
My ability to divine and create the future yet untapped. Kind of like maple trees, the sap was almost running, but not yet.
I believe that was the year everything started to get better.
If I wait 10 minutes Facebook will tell me.
(Cue the ellipses)
…
I waited, the answer was not exactly. I said it was a magical day and then proceeded to post like a non-magical asshole, all tangled up in humanness, drama and bullshit.
Said something about ‘every time you lie to me an angel shits her pants’. I can only guess who was lying at the time.
Feels like another life, another world, a different me.
Probably because it was.
I am not that girl any more.
I have survived several apocalypses, old veils being lifted so I could see.
I have survived waiting and wanting and made a covenant with the universe to always receive my desires in their totality.
I promise to keep learning and smiling back at the gods for the gifts they send me.
Please may I have some more.
Now is blessed, the rest remembered.
I am not sure if it matters exactly when I woke up, it only matters that I did.
Now IS blessed.
Today is the grandest of all wishing days. We are all invited to dream as big as we can, then a little bigger and the universe is listening, waiting and willing to set our wildest desires into motion.
Never under-estimate the power of blind faith. It manifests in ways that bend the laws of physics or breaks them entirely. True Blood
The hard part is keeping the faith.
I got this.
This perfect moment is brought to you by those pine trees whose seeds are so tightly compacted within their protective covering that only the intense heat of a forest fire can free them and allow them to sprout. (Rob Brezsney)
I have walked the fire before, experienced the burning, and was born and warm from it.
The trick is to keep walking.
Keep looking and watching for signs. They will come.
I always come out the other side into something better.
Sometimes things need to go away to be appreciated.
I concede and concur.
The first step to better times is to imagine them. (Unknown)
and
Everything you can imagine is real. Picasso
I know what my wishes are for this strangest of days, the clearest reception for our telephones to god.
The girl I was 4 years ago would have never dared dream them, but now I can see it, crystal clear.
Publishing contracts, word recognition, comfort, a tiny house of my own, a room to write in and love.
Love like I do.
The last time the stars aligned on a blood moon eclipse I created a Frankenstein monster, beautiful pieces of what I knew was possible stitched together with good intentions. And he was better than I had dared imagine. The gods read my mind as well as my words, and here I thank them for it.
I knew what I had to do and I shed all the suitcases that only held one or two of my favorite things.
I feel weightless.
My Oracle told me he has to walk the desert for 19 days. Black 19.
His own personal retrograde where the mercurial magic he tasted is absent.
At least I made him playlists for the trip.
He said they are taking over and he loves them.
There are pieces of me in there.
On the blood moon eclipse I also sent a fiery paper lantern into the sky with the following words inscribed…
I can imagine the moment, breaking out through the silence, all the things that we both might say, and the heart it cannot be denied, til we’re both on the same damn side, all the barriers blown away. Peter Gabriel
So it is written.
I missed hitting publish at 11:11 like I wanted to, s’okay, my gods don’t wear watches.
