Fucking Scorpios, One More Time

 

Although it may have been enduring the damages done to me by myself and others that got me to where and how I am…I am what I am and it’s really okay.

I kinda like me.

I am sitting in the sunshine, in my sweaty sweats, writing to you fine people, whilst singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs.

Panda is in fine form as am I. Sun is shining and life is good.

Doesn’t hurt that I got laid.

I fucked him on the first date, and the second, and I don’t even care.

This is who I am as a person.

I was blessed to be born into a fine female form and I love sex.

Who am I to deny myself?

Besides, he smelled divine and is a sweetheart.

If I have to play games to get someone, I don’t want that fish. Throw it back and try again.

“He only want me when I’m not there? Better call Becky with the good hair.” (Beyonce)
Seriously. I know I have a pretty back, but come on, don’t make me turn it before you pay attention to me. Becky can have ya.

I get it, as I get most things but, ew. No.

I read “Why Men Love Bitches” at the behest of my ex best-friend. She saw me struggling and getting hurt and wanted to help, bless her. But basically? I am not a bitch. I’m not Becky.

The first few chapters of this book were great and I follow the ideals of ‘have your own life that you are happy with before you invite anyone else in.’

I totally did/do that.
Well, now I do.
This was not always the way, and I tended to assimilate into the men I dated like Borg or some other such shit. Never worked out as I ended up 7 of 9 more often than not.

The rest of it felt an awful lot like lying i.e…wait to text back, pretend you aren’t available even if you really are.

Nuh uh, fuck that. I am busy as fuck as is. No need or want to lie about it.

I text back fast, ingrained Canadian politeness I guess. Or maybe just because it feels good to get a random text that says ‘thinking about you.’ This happened, which added to my already good mood. I responded that just seeing his name made my princess parts tingle. Because it did.

I have a real hard time passing up sex, it is one of my favorite things.

There is nothing wrong with wanting what I want and being who I am, especially knowing that if they don’t like it and they leave, s’okay.

I have survived every unfortunate event in my life up until now. So statistically, I got this, whatever this happens to be.

Went on the first date with Cruz, ya, he has a name, weird right?
I explained the blog and that everyone gets a nickname, said I didn’t know his yet. He responded that Cruz was fine.

I’m inclined to agree.

He is fine.

I asked for change and to receive it I must also be it, and change.

Once upon a time I worked with a stripper whose given name was Justice, can’t really improve on that.

Where was I?

Oh ya. 20 minutes into meeting each other we were walking into a movie theater and I did what I do which is blurt out whatever I was thinking…he shushed me.

I stopped walking, looked straight at him and said “I don’t have a filter, if this is going to be a problem, just take me home.”

He didn’t.

He shushed me twice more and twice more I said, ‘nope’. I did lower the volume of my voice but I didn’t alter the content of what I was saying.

Now, to be clear, it was not a malicious shushing. It was an ‘I cannot fucking believe you said that out loud, I like it but I don’t know how to react’ shush.

He’s young.

As if I had to say that out loud. Y’all know me by now.

Also happens to be a Scorpio, I was unaware until yesterday but I really shoulda known.

I know me by now.

Guy Fawkes Day came up as we were sitting around chatting with Panda, they’ve both been to England and I haven’t. It’s his birthday. Of course it fucking is.

Whatever worries I had, that were so minuscule I didn’t even know they were there, dissipated in a puff of smoke.
Scorpios, in general, appreciate how and who I am. They love that I don’t lie. That wiggle room I give everyone is coveted by his kind instead of being ‘too much’.

I told him that if I fucked him on the first date he’d ghost. I realized (and blurted out) ‘and that’s fine actually.’

Because it is.

I joked with Panda that I’m so fucked from what came before that the littlest things make me happy, he said a couple sweet things and I’m still smiling about them. He showed up.

Upon further introspection maybe it isn’t because of the time called before. Maybe it’s because I’ve evolved to a point where it is just the little things make me happy.

This is a good way to be.