42

This is me.

This is my year.

I know this.

Like I know the sun came up this morning. I watched it.

Like I know I am loved honored cherished.

42^nd run around the sun. The answer to life the universe and everything according to Douglas Adams.

I believe him.

The answer is, keep learning.

I need a bigger word for optimism. I require bigger words for most things these days.

New Year new me? Fuck that shit. I worked to get here. There is no starting from scratch this time.

Not new, MORE. More magic, more adventure, more sex, more love, more money, bigger better faster stronger.

I have got this.

My foundation is beautiful mutable and strong. It’s built on the bones of the girls I used to be. And I will whisper her a secret, she is unbreakable.

I told a story told to a younger version of me…

“You’re going to travel a dark road, and you will have to become dark for a while to survive it. The place you are going kills light. Your war is coming. If you want to live you will have to become war. Your light will dim, you will fight dirty, fall down and make mistakes. You have to be dark for a while.”

I’ve forgiven myself ever fumble and sin because they got me here.

The last 2 years have been a search for peace and I have found it. Trying to quell my rage and wrath but they have a place here. Sometimes there is war and I will fight. Without hesitation or reservation.

I forgive my nemeses past because, well, good try but you were weighed, measured and came up wanting.
I have no one to conquer but myself and my imagined limitations.

I have no enemies, only those I can help and those I cannot.

I have no limits. All of this ‘human’ stuff is exactly that. An invention, constructs to give structure and discipline. I cannot abide. Don’t need it nor want it. I control my thoughts and my body. And this is the year to let them do as they will. Fuck gravity. Fuck time. Fuck limits. Let’s see what we are capable of.

I conquered the place called ‘alone’ and found comfort there.

I am alright with my heart being broken with the things that break the heart of god, because unlike god, I can and will do something about it.
I heal what others break.

I know what to do with your pain because I learned what to do with my own.

The universe doesn’t see good or bad, it just sees energy. There are no limits or stipulations, I give and take like waves. I am a calm blue ocean others swim in, and I am a hurricane when destruction is necessary to rebuild.

I see so clearly why everything has gone the way it has.

I am blessed with second sight, hind sight, foresight.

This is my life and I will do with it as I see fit.

And what I see and what I want is more. More of everything.

This is a year of balance and power and exploring my potential.

I want to be seen and heard.

I am grateful for everything.