I absolutely, totally did that.
I called him Daddy mid fuck.
Well, closer to the end.
In my defense, I have only ever been with 4 “doms” in my life.
And that isn’t entirely true either. Hence the quotation marks. I think being a true Dom with a capital D is inherent, it is not something learned, but rather earned by trust, poise and behavior outside of the bedroom.
You are or you aren’t. There are no grey areas, 50 shades or otherwise.
One of them never called himself that, but he just was. I don’t think I really thought about it at the time, kinda just occurred to me as I started writing this. He just naturally dominated and I simply submitted.
We didn’t have a safe word or anything. Didn’t need one, I felt safe…enough.
I have only had three safe words in my entire life.
Baseball
Donuts
And now pineapple
Ex hubby aka baseball, had a ddlg kink…at least I think he did. He never told me about it, and no part of me wanted to submit to him sexually. Both of those things would explain a whole fucking lot.
Looking back, he is the one who broke trust and kinda broke me when he ignored the safe word he gave me to use and fingered me so violently on the porch that I wet myself. Fucking asshole made me feel bad about it after, I couldn’t squirt for years after that. He was a fake dom. The worst.
I didn’t know any better, and I think a lot of submissives are like me. Takes a few bad doms to find a good one. Luckily I just had the one bad one. But when we do find a good one, it’s fucking magic.
And anyone who plays at things outside of the realm of vanilla knows, things get messy sometimes. That is what showers and towels are for. And sometimes, you just sleep in the wet spot because the bed is the wet spot.
I didn’t know anything about ddlg at the time, and now that I do…I cherry picked a few phrases and kinks from that scene. I get it, some of the aesthetics are awesome and I wish I would have known about it years ago, but it’s not entirely me.I still kinda want fox ears and a tail attached to a princess plug.
But this isn’t about that. And we’re gonna skip over the donuts and head straight for the pineapples, with a slight detour because my mind wanders.
I also went to bdsm dungeons and fetish nights in my 20’s. They were very gothic and dark…and not really my thing. I liked watching, but that put me in the category of all the old dudes who lurked in the corners in tighty whities doing the same thing. I never found my niche, because I think sneaky public sex is great, but showing off in front of a group, not as much.
Never been to a regular people sex club. It isn’t a bucket list thing, but if it happened, I’d go just to say I went. And it might be fun, I still like to watch.
I had a couple boyfriends in my 20’s who were super supportive of me trying to figure out what I liked when I was naked. Good dudes really. I don’t know what happened to that girl I used to be, but she was missing for a long time. My first forays into sex were quiet acceptance of what was happening, then I got curious and vocal and then back to the quiet acceptance but with me jerking myself off in the shower after instead of making a point that I didn’t come yet, fix this.
At some point I got scared of being myself and being honest about what I like. Probably when I kept saying baseball and ended up in a puddle of pee.
Not to beat a dead horse, but the time I spent married was dry as a desert as far as sex goes.
I used to say I lost my dirty 30’s so I was making up for it in my 40’s. It’s not a joke, it’s true.
I stayed vehemently single for a long time, dated a bit then ended up back in monogamous situations where the sex was sporadic, and infrequent. One in jail and one in the States. Months and months of nothing but toys and hentai. When the sex did happen, it was good though. No real regrets there. It is what it is.
I think I just got tired of waiting. That explains fucking the Darkling on the first date. Kinda, I really just wanted to.
The one good thing about the time I spent super staunchly single was I learned how to read vibes. Darkling has strong masculine energy and I like it. It was abundant and clear from the minute we sat down for tacos and if I am being completely honest, it came through in his texts somehow.
He decides what we’re doing in a way that I like. Firm but gentle, confident and I know if I said ‘no’ or ‘not now’, he would stop or wait.
We never had a conversation about any of this beyond ‘the safe word is pineapples’. Except maybe when we emphatically agreed good sex is expolring and figuring each other out but nothing overly kink specific. Wait, when I brought it up he said he doesn’t do consensual non consent. Fair. No means no.
So how did I end up naked on a fur throw on his living room floor saying “Daddy it hurts” with his cock up my ass on the second date?
Well, I will tell you. That is what this website is for right?
(the rest of the article is on Patreon)
https://www.patreon.com/sarahthegoodwitch