My name means both princess in Aramaic and discontent in Greek.
I am currently both of these things.
I feel restless, but with a smack of body tired and no real direction.
Last night was a new moon, a new super moon. I did not realize there were such things, but if Unbreakable taught us anything, it is that for any phenomenon or anomaly there is an equal and opposite phenomenon or anomaly. Basically all a super moon is, is when the moon is currently closer to earth in a full or new phase. So, if you believe like I do, that the moon influences us, which is absolutely plausible, look at the oceans and the tides and remember we are almost ¾ water, then we will all feel it on some level or another.
And just because we can’t see the moon, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
Those of us who are more conscious of such things, feel it more.
I am free from the island of opposites, wherein the new moon was always more tangly than the full, but I must admit, I feel twitchy. And the cats are acting foolish.
There are things I do on lunar cycles. Full moon night is always a letting go. Banishing things I do not want. New moon is the time to make wishes and as the moon appears more vividly every night after, those things come to fruition more often than not.
I also like to burn certain things and make sure my space and mirrors are clean.
I sit outside with a candle and I talk to the moon.
Sometimes she listens.
I have reiterated to death the idea of ‘hold the vision, trust the process’ and more recently, ‘let go and let god’.
But today I needed reminding.
I also mentioned Mercury retrograde came in with a bang. But it was more like those fireworks that get lit during Chinese New years while men dressed as dragons walk the streets and everything is gold and red. Rapid fire with puffs of smoke and pagentry.
I went to the movies on Tuesday, something I have missed terribly and realized I took for granted before the end of the world. Sat down, far far away from others and as I took my phone out to make it quiet, I got a slew of messages in rapid succession. The old boss has been dethroned, my son finally found an apartment after wandering like his mama for the bulk of the summer, my PIC bought a new house and my Facebook ban started.
I know this is how life is. Nothing nothing nothing, is this a fucking haboob? Nothing, then everything all at once.
The universe is always in flux.
I decided a long time ago that a wish was nothing but a prayer, a prayer was nothing but a mantra, a mantra was nothing but a spell. They are all the same thing whether you are in a church, a mosque or naked in the woods. Our tiny human brains trying to exert some control over this random series of events we call life.
And while I will absolutely testify that I have manifested some amazing things in my life, a lot of my peace and Zen came from accepting what is in the moment and holding on hope for something better, while actively working towards it and making decisions that were in tune with said want. And accepting that I don’t always have the capacity to separate what I want from what is good for me or serves my higher purpose. I am not even sure what my higher purpose is. I just do what feels good and try to take care of as many people as I can in the process. I forget to look after me sometimes and I am working on that.
I kept that in mind as I made my wishes last night. So mote it motherfucking be, but only if it is for the best and does no harm.
I do that a lot. Want something but have to look at all the angles and possible outcomes to make sure no one gets hurt. And going back to the idea that the universe is always in flux, it truly is an exhausting juggling act. I am much better at being selfless than selfish. I just never really was. I mean I covet, to covet is human. I scroll through social media and se a woman with flat abs or dewy skin or awesome hair, and yes, I want that. but I am also grateful for what I have.
Maybe it is time to dream bigger.
I want to write books, but I want to get paid for doing so as well.
I want to have a steady stream of income no matter where I am on the planet, and I want to explore more of this planet too. I spent decades trapped in places I didn’t want to be by my ideas of what I ‘should’ be doing and in relationships with people who wanted to keep me caged.
No more.
The moon starts to get full again today. And in my way of loving the winter solstice just as much as the summer one, because that is the day it stops getting worse and starts getting better, so it is today.
I have made my wishes and spoken them aloud, I have my goals and I will spend the time between now and the blue moon on Halloween focused and working towards what I want.
Link to one of my books, it is pure pornography, you have been warned