2.5 hours until I go downstairs, fix myself some snacky snacks and indulge the middle of our movie marathon in the continuing Avengers saga. I think it is Guardians of the Galaxy night. Winter Soldier was last night, after Thor.
I realized I had cherry picked the movies and only watched what I wanted to watch.
I do that with a lot of things a lot of the time. On my list of shit to quit.
Apparently Venus is descending or something, she does this every 8 years and I had to take a long hard look at 2012 and 2004.
I didn’t like it. 3/10, do not recommend.
Left both marriages for good those years. Marriage is an over statement. 5 and 7 years of engagement and cohabitation. Common law with diamonds and promises.
I will post the link at the bottom instead of trying to explain it but in summation, love stuff is hard right now mmmkay.
I already knew that.
Not because of the blatantly obvious C word that I refuse to talk about right now. But because my heart hurts.
I stumbled on a bit of it yesterday but chalked it up to leap years, which also suck, but apparently every other leap year sucks harder because Venus does some sort of self-cleaning oven thing where she burns old lingering issues out of our chakras. Started at the bottom now we a bit above the bottom; or is this all crown chakra on down.
My head hurts.
Vagina fairs not much better in the pain and frustration department so, I don’t know.
Apparently it is just a retrograde in Gemini specifically. Not as bad as I thought. Venus goes retrograde much less often than Papa Mercury.
~ Venus Retrograde in Gemini ~
And so, in the midst of one of the transformational times in known history, we tentatively follow Venus/Inanna as She slowly starts to descend into the underworld.
As She moves through the 7 gates of the underworld, She strips off the trappings of Her ego, purifying each Chakra of old energies. Like the sacred Serpent She must shed the old skin, writhing as She sloughs of the layers of fear and projection so She may rebirth Her true self, free from the ideologies of others, and the collective.
In the shadowy caverns of the realm of Ereskigal, She must come face to face with the grief, pain and rage she has buried for lifetimes. She must dance with Her dark sister to heal the wounded, heart-broken parts of Herself, so that She may claim Her true sovereignty.
Although usually portrayed as a lighthearted, frivolous sign, Gemini holds deep themes of love and loss. She is eternal dance of shadow and light, reminding us that within each polarity is contained its opposite. During this retrograde journey, we must all learn how to stay rooted in our heart’s truth, whilst remaining compassionate and open the perspectives of others.
I can handle a good skin shed to be perfectly honest. This one I am wearing now is starting to itch and not fit quite right. The problem with snakes right before they shed, they go blind.
And that is how I am feeling. Like I can’t see right, everything is blurry.
I decided I wanted to know the future, so I started digging up the past and I didn’t particularly like what I found. I don’t want to end anything, except this plague and this fucking retrograde. Both are doing a number on my head and my heart.
40 days every 18 months and it had to happen now huh? Awesome timing there my darling goddess of love. Just what we needed.
Basically, this too shall pass. I thought it was a Saturn return kinda deal where it goes on for years.
I feel like I have one of those coming up. Been nice knowing all of you. Cronos is a hard teacher. Think Beatrix and the white-haired master that taught her the one-inch punch from Kill Bill.
I keep looking for answers and maybe there aren’t any.
Just kinda had a cathartic moment there wherein I just decided to give up.
Universe, just take the fucking wheel.
All this trying to plan in a pandemic, exhuming of the past trying to read the bones of what was, torturing myself with funeral for futures that never happened outside of my head.
Fuck it. I am done.
8 years ago my life was nothing like it was now, 8 years before that, ya, kinda similar but I wasn’t learning or evolving back then. Just coasting and existing.
Whatever lies ahead will be better than before, it has to be, I am better than I was.
(the aforementioned article)
https://www.facebook.com/soulbirds444/photos/a.647218411976814/3334995619865733/?type=3&theater