Wolf had a good idea for the book series.
Prolonging life by the consumption of pain. Obligate mutualism. We feed and heal each other. Closed circle.
Vibes well with my theme, acceptance of the other in their purest forms begets self-acceptance and happily ever after.
He is my monster eater.
Every bit of damage that has been done to me; he undoes. With his words or his hands, just by being himself really.
The first night we met, I felt myself expanding into who I used to be, better even. I felt what I could be in how he saw me that night.
It’s still that way. Standing next to him I am at my most brave and beautiful self. Under him I am a bit of a mess, but he likes me that way, and so do I. Princess Panda Eyes is part of who I am.
It is beyond liberating, to be cherished and understood as I am. To have someone peel back all the constrictive layers of other people’s opinions of me.
So shed your skin and let’s get started (Hunters and Collectors)
That’s what it feels like. Sloughing off the old and making room for the new.
One corrupt file at a time.
Those that came before either had no idea what they were dealing with in me, or worse, knew what they had, tried to stifle it, bring me down to their level so they could own me. But, eventually they all ran anyways. Leaving me feeling like I was too much or not enough and never being able to reconcile this.
I am enough.
He stays.
That is huge to me. He is unwavering, even when I am running around like Chicken Little thinking the sky is falling. All he has to say is “It was just a bad day baby, it’s alright now.” And I can breathe.
He’s not wrong.
He doesn’t hold grudges; I get to exist without consequences for what I am. I just get to be myself, whatever that happens to be. I get to evolve. I am encouraged to do so. He protects me, even from myself.
I was sitting on the floor in the airport trying to get my boots back on, my dress was riding up, but I was rushing and didn’t notice. He stood in front of me and when I finally stood up, flustered, he said he noticed and was standing in place, protecting what was his. This.
I did something silly, he protected me.
I also felt safe enough to wear ‘that’ dress out in public, because he was with me. That in itself, is a big deal.
This is where the Dom/sub dynamic leaves the bedroom and presents in real life.
I chose (very early on) to defer to him, to trust him completely. He can (and does) overpower me physically without exerting much effort at all. He’s a really big fucker and very skilled in varying fighting disciplines. (I may or not be quivering a bit thinking about this)
I’ve seen examples of what he is capable of, untethered, and it is a lot.
I am not afraid. Quite the opposite, I feel safe in a way I’ve only briefly experienced before. Now it just is.
Our sexual tastes and kinks are perfectly compatible. Our bodies are too.
But there is more to it than that.
He is both my monster, and he fights the monsters.
He has his demons too. We all do, anyone worth knowing does anyways.
I am a demon tamer.
How does
one tame a demon?
You can’t.
I don’t really, tame isn’t the right word, that implies ownership and forced subservience.
I soothe.
Broken horses still run, but only because we make them. It’s not the same.
Just like you can’t really keep a wolf as a pet. I mean you can, but something
in them will always remain wild. And to me, that is the part worth
saving and nurturing. Beasts don’t belong in cages. Once he’s out, it will be
his own free will that decides where he wants to go, and whether he wants to
stay with me. Roam if you want to. I’m here.
Absolute acceptance for what someone else is at their core. Love for all the dark things they kept hidden and unconditional understanding, ‘of course you feel that way.’ And figuring out the reasons why. Learning who someone really is behind the masks we have to wear. When those masks come off, he is glorious.
That trust is everything.
We are physical
manifestations of safe spaces for each other. Everything he ever wanted to do
is everything I want done to me, I encourage him to be himself, take everything
he has to give and ask for more, please more.
Everything I was afraid to be is what he wants for me, he encourages me, even
to the point of designing the cover for the smol book and pushing every limit I
have put on myself.
We benefit from the other healing, learning, evolving.
He said today that we have practice being apart, that we will be okay.
I know we will be.
Like an unsung melody
The truth is waiting there for you to find it
It’s not a blight, but a remedy
A clear reminder of how it began
Deep inside your memory
Turned away as you struggled to find it
You heard the call as you walked away
A voice of calm from within the silence
And for what seemed an eternity
You’re waiting, hoping it would call out again
You heard the shadow reckoning
Then your fears seemed to keep you blinded
You held your guard as you walked away
When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light
Disturbed, The Light