On a long enough timeline, everything ends.
There is no such thing as forever and for this I am grateful.
I live in the here and now thankfully.
My past has been known to suck.
I was married for 7 years. Common law, with an engagement ring that got thrown back at him often.
He was a cheater of epic proportions.
His main mistress was a competitive bitch of epic proportions.
We are all to blame here though. Equally.
I stayed. My bad.
I left a few times. Had a lover for a few months who was polyamorous. I am not sure if that is irony or just indicative of how I do things, the weird way.
Yes, I left my cheating husband and jumped into a relationship with a man who openly slept with other women.
Except he didn’t.
We split before the honeymoon phase was over I guess. Or he just needed to know he could.
It’s alright, I get it.
I was his primary, there were rules. None of the other women he slept with could make me feel uncomfortable in any way. I was a fragile thing back then, lived in discomfort. I never did have a problem, again, never got a chance. But he was good to his word, when one of them said something untoward he sent her away. I didn’t hear it, she said it to him and he just said “we’re done now”.
It has occurred to me that the sex part of the ‘cheating’ wasn’t the problem. It was the lying and the repeated open fire attacks on my self-esteem and my “place” in my marriage by both of them.
I had no place there. It was never my circus.
I have been about 4 different versions of me since then. I have evolved. All of that is part of this, I accept the past for what it was and I forgive myself for being dumber than a bag of hammers.
I will tell you one more thing I learned.
I knew husband was a man whore when I met him. If I truly loved him…which I didn’t in retrospect, I would have had to have loved that part too.
No one should ever get into any relationship thinking they can change the other person.
There’s a billion people on the planet, find one that fits.
I saw a meme today, can’t find it or I’d put it here…something about not waking up with a man but waking up with coffee was better because coffee doesn’t text other women or some such shit.
Let them text, why is this a problem?
Lumberjack was the worst offender for that. Got caught with me by his actual girlfriend and was back on Tinder the next day, if he was ever even not on Tinder.
It is who he is. Again, not my circus. And the only sting was his insistence that I was “his” and he was “mine”.
Had he actually been honest about being in a relationship I wouldn’t have banged him. I have a strict rule about men who belong to other women. Even if the relationship is open, I don’t want in. Not my circus. I have been on the receiving end of that and I cannot abide nor participate in the pain of another woman with a wandering man.
But had he said “hey, I am a man whore, can we just casually fuck?” that would have been fine by me.
Monogamy is over rated. See above where hubby put a ring on it and still fucked his mistress fortnightly.
Be you, be honest and fuck me good. I’m happy.
I am a human lie detector.
I have another gift, quite a few really, but one of them is only seeing the best in people and making sure they see what I see. I know what it is like to be torn down, so I build as much as I can. And this version of me, Sarah 10 point oh I guess, doesn’t judge anyone. I try to understand why they do what they do. I accept the people in my life exactly as is. How they were when I found them.
There is another meme about what a beautiful thing is it to allow someone to be completely themselves. It is magical, I see it often.
Especially with the younglings.
I truly do not care what anyone thinks of me. It is absolutely liberating. So I pass this along to others.
Roam if you want to, I don’t own anyone, don’t want to.
Be good to me when you’re with me, enjoy the moment.
Watching what they do when they feel that freedom to be exactly who they are and having them return over and over because of nothing but their own free will is a glorious thing indeed.